.::ya Allah, bantulah hamba-Mu yang lemah ini.sesungguhnya aku tidak berdaya tanpa-Mu::.
Salam~ Masha Allah, its been a long long time since I've scribble something on this blog. Pheww~ I am ecstatic to learn the fact that I managed to finish my third year in the coolest way ever. :D Seriously third year is equal to MADNESS! I am VERY GLADDDDDD Allah let my friends and I to survive this super hectic life.
Let me make you guys clear why it is equal to MADNESS. Hoho. Classes often ended at 730pm, went through jam from Cheras to KL for like 1 and half hour or more before be at home at 9-10pm. During clinical, I went out at 630 or 7 am depending on hospital location then going back at 530-730 pm daily. After do whatever I had to do, as early as 830 or 900 pm I went to bed. Those were my routine for semester one. Not to mentioned sleepless night and the worst of all was exams 6 DAYS IN ROW! YES, 6 DAYS IN ROW WITHOUT GAP *faint*.
In the middle of first semester I noticed that it was full of tears, negative aura wandering around. I tried very hard to juggle everything, to cope up with everything somehow I failed. Semester 1 was the time which I could tell I am in depression! I just do not know how to keep everything in order. I felt 'lost', being out of the orbit, not on the right track.
At one time where I felt hopeless, tired and super duper stress enough I asked Allah,
Why am I being like this o Allah?
Why my life is sooooooooo miserable? I don't think I can carry on o Allah.
Did I possibly do anything wrong?
Allah's answer my prayer by showing me one by one what was actually going so wrong.
I DID NOT GO TO TA'LIM *majlis ilmu*.
I LEFT ALL THE DIZKR I USED TO RECITE.
I DID NOT PERFORM SOLAT ON TIME.
I DID NOT MAKE A DUA' AFTER SOLAT.
And lots of other things! SO, THE ANSWER FOR THIS MISERABLE LIFE WAS I LOST MY CONNECTION WITH ALLAH!
I admit I was overwhelmed with dunya matters that I forgot to spare sometime to attend ta'lim and do routine I usually did before this. Allah the most Merciful gave me this miserable life to guide me back to him. T_T Lucky me Allah still has His mercy for me to be on the right track again.
***
Right before second semester began, I prayed to Allah,
to keep me in the right track and to please give me strength to fight nafs,
to let me attend ta'lim at least twice a day,
to always tune in to IKIM.fm for any talk or anything which reminds Him all the time through thick or thin
Besides, I started to make a DOs and DON'Ts list for the upcoming hectic life to ensure I use my time wisely . Alhamdulillah yeay~! Allah answer my prayer again~! To make my second semester life lively again Allah sent me few friends who accompanied me to ta'lim and maulid. They all went to maulid and ta'lim before I joined them, I was totally my fault I did not keep in touch to know what's happening around me. *palm on face*
Even though second semester was 2 times busier and tougher than the first one, I managed to go through everything calmly with less complain ^_^ V . There were lots of time I felt so hopeless and bad things came up but Allah gave me the strength to carry on with everything with smile :) .
Yes, alhamdulillah I could smile and felt so calm even though I had 3 weeks of exams with 13 exams (paper, osce, ospe, viva) with ' exam marathon' for 6 days in row (it was supposed to be 9 days) plus having dengue fever during exam week.
As I was hospitalized, my marathon stop for a while for 3 days. I am enjoying myself resting in HKL, meeting new people, having conversation with nurses and 'neighbours'. LOL. Then, I energetically continue my marathon right after I was admitted which still not reach its end though as my last paper will be next week. Taking exam alone is cool. :D Its only me and the lecturer and one university staff I guess. I can't wait for that moment to come~
***
As a summary, *a so called-summary hoho*
(1)
I would like to share one surah to sum up this whole lengthy entry:
Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful." (Az-Zumar:53)
(2)
As reminder to particularly to me and you *if there's anyone reading. hoho*
IF THERE ARE FLAWS IN OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ALLAH, OTHER THINGS WILL NEVER GO RIGHT. Your life will be miserable and be in constant worry about every single thing. Why? Because when we forget Allah in everything we do, we will tend to rely on ourselves. We think we can do this that perfectly because of our efforts. When we start to rely on ourselves everything won't go right peeps. This is solely because we human, His servant are weak! We often being control by syaitan, nafs. We tend to make wrong decision.
One thing about relying on ourselves simply means we are being ARROGANT towards Allah, our Lord. Its like we are indirectly telling Allah; we do not need Him to interfere with our lives. We know what to do *even though we don't*. T_T Allah knows that sometimes we did this because we are weak, we forget, we lost the fight with our nafs, that's why He lead us to the right path and accept our taubat even though we have made like mountain of sins. T_T
(3)
Let us be grateful for anything Allah has fated to be happen in our lives and try to find hikmah beyond the good (nikmat) and bad (musibah) things which pop up. Yes, in both good and bad things. Allah let things happen in life for some reasons which sometimes we are blinded by our sins that we can't see or understand them. Together we pray may Allah grant us to let us keep faith in him through thick and thin and hoping that he will guide us to find and see the hikmah for those good and bad things, particularly the bad one. (:
Pen off.
